Decisions.

When Cecilia turned one, I began seriously considering having another baby. She was such a sweet, happy baby and her baby days went by far too quickly. We discussed it and began looking at James’ travel schedule, when we would be moving, where we might go, etc. I started imagining a new baby (it was a boy for some reason) and thinking of baby names and sleeping arrangements.

Then something happened. My old boss contacted me in December and asked me to come in and talk about possibly coming back to work. His office manager/lead paralegal was retiring and he needed to get someone in the office soon. I love my old boss and loved working for him. It’s hard to find someone (especially in the legal field) who is a genuine family oriented person. I knew he would work with me when it came to my family obligations and other circumstances regarding James’ frequent travel. I got excited about my interview. I bought a new outfit (he’s family oriented, but I didn't want to show up in my daily uniform of yoga pants), I talked to our daycare about Cecilia starting there, and started studying up on everything I've missed since being unemployed for so long. I started thinking of ways to save time on chores and writing down quick and easy recipes for week-night meals. There was something nagging at me though. Because I love my old boss so much, I needed to be totally honest. When the kids have a check-up, it’s an all-day affair on base. When someone is sick, I am the one who takes care of them. My husband has been spoiled on home cooked meals and a clean house. Even my dogs rely on me. I started thinking of the mornings spent with Cecilia cuddling and reading books. And my afternoons with Brady- snacks and board games and silly cartoons. What was I doing? And what about my possible baby and the opportunity to do it all over again?

I ended up sabotaging my own interview. I gave him more reasons why he should not hire me than why he should. I explained that I would be moving soon and he would have to train someone else in a year. I left his office, went home, put my yoga pants back on and played with my kids. I knew I didn't get the job and felt a huge weight off my shoulders. It came as no surprise when he emailed me that he decided not to hire anyone at that time (he was probably just being nice, because that’s how he is) and that if I came back to the area he would love to have me. I told myself that by then, I would be ready. The kids would be in school and I would be itching to get back to work. I love the law and my boss, but I am right where I need to be right now. And that baby? Who knows? I may end up making a career out of being a stay-at-home mom. The reward of making my family happy far outweighs any paycheck I could earn.