With her second birthday approaching and having recently
read about a friends experience with her newborns being in the NICU, I have
been thinking about my Cecilia’s first few days. It was a very emotional
experience for me and I tried to shut it out of my mind and never think about
it. To this day (until now, I guess) only a handful of people knew that this
even occurred. But it happened, and I have come to realize that other families may be comforted knowing that others have been in the same boat.
I gave birth on Thanksgiving, after being induced the previous
day. It was a miserable labor and delivery and I once again hemorrhaged, had my
placenta manually removed, and narrowly missed ending up in the ICU myself. By
Friday I was beyond ready to go home. Cecilia seemed perfect, but I thought she
was very lethargic. I don’t think she woke up (except for feedings) the first
24 hours of her life. I was concerned but the doctors told me it was because I
had an epidural and it made her drowsy. I had to stay until Saturday to have my
blood counts monitored but when it was time to go I was up bright and early
with my bags packed. Cecilia was in the nursery for her final examination and I
kept requesting that she be returned to my room. I hadn't seen her all morning.
The nurses kept stalling and telling me she had to be checked by the doctor. I
was getting impatient and called for 3 hours. When a pediatrician finally came
in, he didn't look right. I knew something was wrong and grabbed James’ hand.
The doctor informed us that he and three of his colleagues believed our baby
had a heart condition, known as aortic coarctation (CoA), which is basically a
kink in the aorta. He said if she didn't get to a cardiologist soon, she might
not have much time. He went on to explain
the condition, but all I could hear was “heart surgery” and “not much time.” I kept thinking about how lethargic she seemed. I
later understood that there are some criteria they look at to diagnose the
condition. One is the presence of a heart murmur and the other is differing blood pressure in the upper and lower portions of the body. Her pressure was very weak in her lower body.
More information can be found at:
Our beautiful baby girl!
Ready to go home!
So with that news, we were told she would be getting on a
chopper and heading to Duke Children's Hospital for evaluation. I experienced a feeling of
pain and sadness that I had never felt in my entire life. My brand new baby had
to go on a helicopter with strangers, and face the possibility of heart
surgery, or worse. I had to fill out forms allowing the flight nurses to
intubate her during the flight if needed. She was hooked up to monitors, IV’s
and placed in an incubator and wheeled off by the flight crew. I didn't know how
I was supposed to handle a four hour drive to get to her. My mom had gone home
to be with Brady and my dogs and I called her in complete panic. We raced home
and got a couple of changes of clothes. I didn't even know where we would be
staying. My mom took Brady to my cousin’s so she could go with us to Duke. I don’t
remember the drive but I do remember stopping at a Bojangles to use the
restroom. An elderly employee asked me why I looked so sad if I was about to
have a baby (if you don’t know, you still look pregnant a few days after giving
birth.) I broke down and cried to her and she promised she would pray for my
baby. For some reason I will never forget that.
When we finally arrived, Cecilia had already been there a
few hours. We had to scrub up and put on smocks before being allowed into the
Intensive Care Nursery. It was strangely quiet in there. There were two rows of
incubators, each occupied with tiny babies with so many tubes and monitors on
their little bodies they were barely visible. Some were born as early as 25
weeks and some weighed less than 2 pounds. When I finally saw my baby she was
covered in those tubes too but she was wide awake now. And she was angry. The
flight nurse told me she “raised hell” the whole way there. I felt then that she might just be OK. While we waited for a doctor the nurses tried
to find an outfit to fit “Ms. Fat and Sassy,” as they called her. We had to get
special clothes because they had nothing for an almost 9 pound baby. I hadn't
even thought to bring clothes for her, besides her coming home outfit! I felt
better seeing her and knowing we were all together. If something happened she
was at one of the best hospitals in the state. We found a room at a creepy
sleep study hotel run by the hospital. We ordered pizza and I tried to rest (I
was still weak and in pain and very emotional). I ignored all the texts and
calls congratulating us on her birth. I just didn't know what to say.
The next day the doctors informed us that she did not appear
to have CoA and only had a heart murmur.
They did several tests and echocardiograms and went over all of the results with us. She
was going to be fine! She would, however, have to follow up with cardiologists
at ECU for the next 6 months. We were overcome with relief. I think even James
shed a tear of happiness. We could take her home the next day. While my
excitement was through the roof, I was still very sad. I was sad for the small,
sick, babies in that room. I was sad for their parents who had been visiting
for months. I was sad for the families who lived out of town and couldn't visit
often. I was sad that these babies would be here for many more days and weeks. To this day, I don't know what happened. I'm not sure how three pediatricians believed she had this heart condition and a couple of days later she did not. Maybe they were mistaken, or maybe the aorta "un-kinked" itself somehow. Maybe it was just a miracle. It was at that moment that I thanked God for blessing us with a healthy baby
and reminding me, over that Thanksgiving weekend, that I have so much to be
thankful for.
I didn't take many pictures during her stay at Duke.
One last bottle before heading home!
Reunited with big brother!
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